I feel like my life's just out of reach, but how do you grasp something you only see out of the corner of your eye?

Monday, November 28, 2011

The dark corner

I'm feeling better today, so I had better put down my thoughts before something else happens.

It started about a week ago, maybe more, hard to tell for sure.  I got hauled back into the hospital after my incident at the apartment, though I STILL can't get anyone to tell me for sure what is wrong with me.  I did catch someone mentioning 'psychotic episode'  but why would I be in a normal hospital for that?  It does explain why a psychiatrist keeps visiting me, and asking me about my feelings and what I remember.

I'm getting sidetracked.

Anyway about a week ago, food service came in to deliver the mediocre breakfast for me, at way too damn early in the morning, the lights were kept low so I could stay half asleep.  She brought in the tray, I started to do the routine, give her my name and social, when she dropped the tray and cried out.  The lady stared behind me and then just bolted, leaving my oatmeal splattered on the floor.

not that I was going to eat it.  I panicked, hit the call nurse button and tried to roll over, which isn't that easy in a big hospital bed, and when you're doped up.  I could barely peer over my shoulder.  Didn't see a thing.

Nurses started appearing out of the woodwork, the food service woman was pointing towards me, off in the distance, probably crying.  Lights came on, and noone saw anything.

Then others started seeing something too.  I had a night nurse who'd come in, dope me up with what I can only imagine are anti-psychotic drugs and let me drool for the night.  She came in as normal, but froze when she got to me, again looking behind me, at the corner of the room.  Without a word, she backed out, and again my room was investigated.

I started feeling dread at times during the night, without those drugs to put me senseless.  It would just be upon me in a flash, and with my heart rate up frantically, I'd get someone in my room within moments. 

That's when I learned something interesting.  Some of the nurses didn't see anything, others refused to return to my room.  I got moved four times, with this strange paranormal happening following me from room to room.

The nurses who saw nothing became my regulars, Sometimes they would bitch to me why they'd have to come in to tend to me when there was a full night staff,  I have no answers for them, but I can't help but fear what is lurking behind me, no more than six feet away, something in the corner.

god what is it waiting for?  what does it want?

what the hell has happened to my life?

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