I feel like my life's just out of reach, but how do you grasp something you only see out of the corner of your eye?

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Missing Time

Will Ciella
What is wrong with you lately?  You've been such an asshole to Kayleen, me and my sister.  Grow the fuck up already.
· · · 3 months ago 

I found this just recently, in my Facebook history.  I've been scrambling ever since.  This is the first clue from the last few months that could help me.

Looks like those conspiracy agents, whomever they are, couldn't put a muzzle on Facebook!   I remember Will, he was a decent guy, I think.  Memories of him are pretty blurry, but the point is, I apparently interacted with him 3 months ago.  During this time that I was supposedly in a coma!  

Now I've already checked my own history in that same timeframe, and didn't find a thing.  No posts, no clues.  Backtracking through 'their' Facebook, I found a mysterious blank there as well, however I do find it weird that most of them have actually been on that site for 6 months or so. 

Why?  I mean, sure 'Kenneth' never really posted, but why would they go through this much of a sham for me?  Is it even possible to mis-date things to provide a false history?  Could this really be something so long in the making?

TOo many questions

Noot nearly enough answers

and maybe i'm fooling myself, am I so important that
No, I saw her, I saw her putting pills in my food.
There HAs to be something there, there has to be soemthing more

I've got to calm down, getting angry, making mistakes.  But t
the weird thing is, is
this Will,  I barely remember him

and hes dead now.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Shitty ass house of cards

fucking drama bullshit.

Three hour fight with the 'GF', over the weekend.   Caught her slipping something into my breakfast.  LYING ASS BITCH, just part of this BULLSHIT LIE that is pathetic  pathetic it's fucking pathetic!

Fucking drugging me,  with this medicine I didn't want to take, claimed it helped make me less paranoid

I'm not going to sit down and and just take this shit, something fucking went down and no one fucking cares
this bullshit's been exposed now, all nice and proper.  Got myself proof that she was in on it, and that means all you fuckers who've been smiling so fucking much and nodding, trying to tell me who the hell I am, telling me who SHE Is,   you're all fucking exposed.


I don't want to see you, I don't want to fucking know you,
god  I should just kick the shit out of that fucker who calls himself my 'father'.

The worst
is that I was starting to feel okay
that fucking drug

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Something lost

I have a grave feeling that I missed out on an opportunity today.  Something fell through my fingers, an etheral wisp that I shall never see again.  An enigma of some sort.

Its a feeling of greater importance, but also of perhaps a chance to meet another, or see a rare event. 

I have no idea what it was, but I missed it whatever it was.

I have no choice but to bid it fond passage then, to the moment, to the sensation.

So goodbye then, you Mystery, and may you float on forever.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Desires or Memories?

This week was a bit worse.   Doesn't help I still am out of work, and already have the clock ticking on my rent.  "Surprise you were in a coma, now here, be fiscally responsible!"   Shitty ass wake up call.

I should be capable of pulling my own weight, I should be able to have a place of my own.  I want to stand on my own feet, and flex them for the first time.  I want...to remember.

Why the fuck hasn't there been a worthwhile explanation to what happened to me?  Even worse, why the hell did I wake up against my back door today?  What the hell am I doing?

Shitty ass day!  Damn this is pissing me off.

Have people still trying to hover over me, offering me money, food.  I don't WANT your damn money.  I am a man goddammit.  I don't NEED YOUR CHARITY.  FUCK

And I'm NOT going to be taking this medicine shit either.  How the hell can you tell me to take this shit but when I ask you what happened to me, you throw up your hands?   FUCK YOU, DOCTOR HERR.

One thing I AM glad about is that my 'family' has backed off again, seeing as I'm a whirling ball of hate and curses.

You know what I did yesterday?  I fucking limped across the street to the playground, sat in a shitty ass swing too small for me, and fucking cried.

People are lying to me, and I don't know why.