just dont want to

I don't want to write lately.  It feels wrong.  Its like...I guess, I'm ashamed of shit.  This talk about a Redlight, it keeps making me think about how stupid I've been at times.  I know, I know, I've hashed over that a thousand times already, and thats all there is to say..

I've gotten a nice number of comments at times, during this little blog adventure of mine.  Be yourself, you don't have to let anyone be in control except you.  Stuff like that.   Its appreciated...

but I still feel strings attached.   Its like, there's something I need to overcome before I can really be done with all this.  I know it sounds stupid, and sure, probably is, but I want to be free.  Its like...all I have right now.  The idea that I can make my own choices.   I won't wax philosophical about illusions,  you hear that term a lot, and I won't say make an allusion that the monster is control or something.

I just want to know, that if I'm going out, at least I have some choice in how it goes.  That's pretty simple, right?   Pretty stupid I imagine, but not much else to go for.  And maybe....I can get something done that'd be cool too.

So, you pretentious, cut-rate fuck.  Calling me your property, acting all non-nonchalant and all mighty from behind your computer screen.  Just LOVING that anonymity and perfect verbatim that only the internet can bring. 

You want a shot at me?

here's your chance
5/4/12   at 10:00 PM

If I see you show up early, I'm gone.  I see you've brought friends, I'm gone.  Anything that even LOOKS like you setting a trap, I'm gone.  And your little lectures will be for nothing, because you can't take me on, on my terms.  Maybe you'll hunt me down, maybe you'll off me, since I'll obviously be close by at some point in time.   But at least I'll die knowing I can defy a bitter, psychopath piece of shit, that likes to PRETEND to play mind games, but can't step up to the plate for real.

Your move.