I

I feel like my life's just out of reach, but how do you grasp something you only see out of the corner of your eye?

Saturday, December 3, 2011

a resonance

i used a mirror, I asked one of the clueless day nurses for it, said I had visitors coming, wanted to look nice.  Had to tolerate a sponge bath and a shampoo in a cap because of it.

Night came, and everyone shunned me,  the last nurse entered my room at dusk, giving me anti-freakout drugs, but they wore off, allowing me to move.

I spent the time watching banal television, with no issues.  It was only after I finally fell asleep that I suddenly awoke in a panic.  That looming sense of dread crept in, the television fizzed out, and I knew it was here.

I didn't want to see it, I didn't want to

It was tall
hard to see but I could see its face
no face, just just white

this morning I woke up on the floor in room 2023.
my room is 2017
no one remembers seeing me move

I've asked the chaplin to exorcise the room, to exorcise me,  he laughs
the psychiatrist keeps wanting to 'explore' this dread, like its not tangible

no one can help me
and its going to kill me

god

why

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