I feel like my life's just out of reach, but how do you grasp something you only see out of the corner of your eye?

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Much like an open wound

Been rough lately.  Still cold as fuck out here.  Cut off from everything I used to have in a different life.

Fucking Faceless sometimes showing up, freaking me the hell out.   Its........getting easier? I guess?  I mean, I'm not shrieking like a girl or shitting my pants or anything, but its so goddamn unnerving.  And he's not like, telling me shit to do or anything.

I mean, he doesn't have a fucking side! He's just there, and he has zero fucks to give.

So all this proxy shit, I can't figure it the fuck out.  How mental are these guys?  I mean I'm desperate, that's no surprise, I'm at the point I'd throw an old lady under a bus if it meant he'd be done with me.
He doesn't communicate
he doesn't care, he's just standing the fuck there

Saw him earlier tonight.  Homeless shelter.  Cuz its cold and there's food.
Now admittedly I draw a lot of looks.  I mean, I'm a motherfucking mummy with a red hoodie with a big ole  (X) on it. 
Either that or its cuz I have a laptop.   Damn good thing too, its the only thing that can really, I dunno, attach me to what life used to be like? 

Anyway, so the monster, the Slender Man he just pops in when I wasn't looking.  Other side of the room, quiet as a ghost and he's looking this way.  Doesn't take psychic powers to notice him in the room.  I may have stifled a yelp before I moved.

So this big guy, I mean BIG guy, we're talking 400 pound dude takes an interest in me, as I scurry the motherfuck away.  I get sort of belligerant, thought he was coming for the laptop, but no, he's sort of worried about me.

Guy out of the blue, motherfuckin cares.  How's that for a surprise? 
Fucking Faceless pops in again, behind him, about 20 feet away.  And this guy is yakking and talking, and wanting me to respond, and I can't do shit, because he's RIGHT THERE, my heart's going a mile a minute, and I swear he gets larger, well, taller, and just less..less right.  All spindly and shit.

This guy, who I probably'd call a fat fuck if he was an asshole, he tries to figure out what I've got a problem with.  He turns around
he doesn't see shit.  Good for him.
but he keeps looking
and he's talking
and he keeps looking

and then he must've seen
because I know the look he had on his face very, very well. 
and he panicked, and he fell.
and then he ran.

and then the fat one and the thin one were gone.
and I wonder.
Did I cause this?

I was staring at him.  I made him look, made him SEE, didn't I?

and I can't help but think

"Now you know, what my problem is."

"Now you know, whats wrong with life, with everything."

Now you get to face the terror that I do, every damn day

There's something strangely satisfying about all this, its so wrong to say it

I mean I sort of liked the guy, he was nice, and he seemed to have a real interest in helping


Misery loves company.


  1. Nice to see you took my "don't be an asshole" advice to heart.

    1. You know, you're starting to become a pretentious little shit yourself.

      Oh shit I get it! You're pissed at me because that other fucker knifed the girl you liked, right? See, that's like that bullshit when I wasn't in control. So you're being all snarky to me, because *I* had an incident where I hurt someone, like what happened to you.

      Ever stop to think that that other kid didn't have a choice? Fuck no you didn't.

    2. She wasn't the girl I liked, she was the girl I loved and who loved me back, as opposed to what you had, which was, at best, some Stepford Smiler placed there to convince you ever had a life and, at worst, a person who genuinely loved you who you treated like shit because you're fucked up in the head.

      And, yeah, I thought about whether Royal was in control or not and I know he was because he spoke just after killing the drug dealer. So shove your defensive bullshit up your ass. You're the one taking pleasure from deliberately leading the monster to people.