I feel like my life's just out of reach, but how do you grasp something you only see out of the corner of your eye?

Friday, February 10, 2012

What do you see in a prism?

So there's this guy calling himself Bluelight.  As in the bluelight special.  Nah, we all know he's playing off of the names Greenlight and Redlight.

I don't really care either way, but it makes me fuckin think.  What do I think about Redlight, eh?  I mean I was a chump he was using for a body, I think.  Explains the red hoodie and camo pants and shit.

Well, first it was all, "oh shit, this is who I am.  So now I just need to rediscover myself."


Its not like I got memories of the dude really.  I guess its just somethin I wanted to be, you know?  Some cool manipulative cat, ran the show, was in control.   Wasn't scared of shit, had his act together.
Shit's tight, you see.

I was all, aww yeah, lets go break shit, and I'll pick things up, and do some terror.  I'll be on the CAUSING end of this shit.  Be in control. 

Fuck no, that doesn't work.

I ain't him.  It just ain't how it goes.  I mean, I do get weird thoughts occasionally, but is that shit just me going nuts, or maybe I'm getting a couple of suppressed memories or something, back when I was being used as a puppet?

Fuck, if anything, I should be motherfucking LIVID at this guy.  He comes over and does SOMETHING to me, fucks me up good, and that's when my shit went downhill like it was on goddamn rocket skis.

So Fuck him.  I guess.

I dunno man, do I change out my gear now?  Do I make my own persona, change my handle, be someone else?  Maybe.  But in truth, I sort of like the image, I guess.  Motherfucking creepy.  Makes me feel...I dunno, like I've got something to hide, that I've got some little bit of control in my life.  Its probably just that persona shit I've read about by that rabbit head dude. 

The idea's somethin like, you add layers to your own personality, and it makes it harder for shit to get to you.  Its fucking make believe, but I kinda get it.  Makes me think that there's some use to it.  What with all the muthafuckers running around in masks.  I mean, shit happens for a reason, right?  Fifty fallen dudes can't be all wrong, 

Take back life, just a little,  just a wee bit of control of who you are.  Who I am.  And maybe, just maybe, that little fucking sliver of who you pretend to be, maybe that shit's what'll save you.

All I know is I feel a damn sight better, knowing at least on a fucking blog, I can pretend to be a little more badass, or maybe a little more than just some dude that shits his drawers when a goddamn monster shows itself.

Maybe thats what we all do?


  1. Masks don't protect us, but they do help with the confidence. Good to see someone realizes that.

  2. As it happens, Blue's running a trollblog. He ain't serious at all. Had me going for a bit, though- I was legitimately convinced he was trying to be a gamejacker.