Guess I should be thankful, but fuck if I know how to do that anymore. Is this what I get to look forward to? More misery? I mean, this guy's toughed it out longer than me, balls man, he's done a lot of hardcore shit and it takes this long for his world to fall apart. Maybe he's tougher than me, heh, probably
Maybe ordinary people don't always crack. Maybe there isn't any need to crawl under a rock with all the other slimy things when trouble hits, or give in the moment things turn to shit... maybe it was just me all the time. Maybe that’s why I’m alone, adrift. I couldn’t be bothered to take accountability, to fight for my own self.
maybe I just want to blame others because it makes me feel like I can't take control. Maybe I am still here, still talking, because I haven't given up, despite what I've said and done.
I need to think.