Stars don't twinkle, moon doesn't shine
stars don't twinkle, moon doesn't shine.
Fuck if it doesn't. Somedays now I can't tell if its day or night. I'm losing, I can tell now, and it scares the hell out of me. I think I realized why I'm so afraid for Spencer. I said before, he's been in worse than me, and managed to power through. But now he's really REALLY close to melting down. I can't really say much to him, I mean, what is there to say that isn't tripe bullshit? "You can do it." "Trust in us" What is there to say? I just don't know.
What I DO know is that if a guy like him fails, what chance is there for me? I mean, I'm no hardass, I'm no tough guy, most action I ever had in my life is kicking a kid while he's down, and knocking trash cans on top of him. Sorry bout that again, Sufjan.
I need to know he'll be alright, I need to know he can survive, because when I look at him, I see what lies ahead for me. If he can make it, maybe I can. I mean shit, there's no heroes out here really. Everyone fails, everyone falters. There are no heroes. That's why things turned so dark. Who are the ones who rally to the cause, who really fight against evil, and do not succumb? Dammit, Spencer, you HAVE to hold together. What the fuck does it mean for me if you can't? Can't you just give me hope that it'll be okay? Do you have to be human, be fucking mortal and let that shit win, beat you?
I need hope, I need to know I can be okay. Dear god above or below, come out of this as a better person, or I'll never know how to fight back...
Caden, you need to stop putting your worth in other people and start putting it in yourself. Or at least pick a different damn hero. He was gone before you ever hit the scene.
ReplyDeletemaybe but its certainly not helping me, as I see him slip.
DeleteYou know, I always kind of thought Spencer was just putting on an act. Because, I mean, yeah, he always put on that tough guy persona... but ever since I've been around, I've never seen him actually doing anything to qualify as an actual badass. He'd just flounder about, all sound and fury, but no substance. I mean, fuck, he had the chance to confront Writer like two weeks ago and he had good reason to do so, yet he just let the bastard walk right by him. Didn't even try. Didn't even fucking try.
ReplyDeleteWhich isn't to say I think he's useless or a pansy. He's got the right stuff he just... really needs to man up or something. I can see how and why he's inspirational to some people, and I'm not gonna lie, I'm going to be upset when he falls. Gonna be upset when Steel falls. Gonna be upset every time one of the falls... but people like that can only inspire for so long. Everyone falls... Everyone falls... You just have to find your own ways to keep moving.
but I've decided I don't want to fall any further
Deleteour conceit is defeat, conscious or not, internal or external. modesty is subjugation's panacea.
ReplyDeleteYou remind me of a bot I know.
Deletefaust had it right, relinquishing the spirit. but i still feel the spirits, slipping down an esophagus.
Deletedull burn, distancing another pain.
guess i'm still human.